Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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