so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
