sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
