I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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