my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
