rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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