if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
