What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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