Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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