I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
