At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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