The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We named our party play list daddy issues
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think your dad took our porno
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
