I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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