You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
