Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
