i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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