you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
