What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
