then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
