dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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