I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
