don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
