do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
