i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
