I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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