wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
