just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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