Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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