my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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