Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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