I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
