Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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