Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
