I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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