Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
