why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
