hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
