Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
