Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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