I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
