She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
