Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
