Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Someone signed my nipple.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
