i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
