Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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