At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
