Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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