Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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