Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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