You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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