I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
