So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
